Memory Stones: An Activity of the Past to take me Back to my Future

Did you know that hundreds of people around the world did not leave their house last Friday because they are actually afraid of the number 13? The earliest reference to thirteen being unlucky or evil is from the Babylonian Code of Hammurabi (circa 1780 BCE), where the thirteenth law is omitted. Some Christian traditions have it that at the Last Supper, Judas, the disciple who betrayed Jesus, was the 13th to sit at the table (no table order is stated in the Bible).  This is perhaps related to the superstition that if 13 people gather, one of them will die in the following year.  Some French aristocrats would hire themselves out as the fourteenth diner at an event, because it was believed that when thirteen diners sat together, one of them would later die.

Unlucky 13

Currently, in the U.S. , there are 7-21 million people who have the phobia of Friday the 13th, and change their daily routine for it. There’s an estimate that $800-$900 million in lost revenue on this day. There are less accidents on this day because it is known to take more precaution on these Fridays.  People change their hours and work days around just avoid any type of contact with driving, working, and starting anything “new” on that day. Some buildings and hotels don’t have a 13th floor or a 13th room.

Unlucky 4

If you are reading this, chance are you are not afraid of the number 13 because you are not White (as in Caucasian).  However, you might be Asian, so you are more inclined to fear the number 4–Tetraphobia (LOL!).  In Cantonese-speaking regions in China, 14 and 24 are considered more unlucky than the individual 4, since 14 sounds like “die for sure” and 24 like “easy to die”.  In Hong Kong, skipped all the floors from 40 to 49. Immediately above 39/F is 50/F, leading many who are not aware of tetraphobia to believe that some floors are missing.  In cities where East Asian and Western cultures blend, such as in Hong Kong and Singapore, it is possible in some buildings that both 13 and 14 are skipped as floor numbers along with all the other 4′s.  In Korea, tetraphobia is less extreme, but the floor number 4 is almost always skipped in hospitals and similar public buildings. In other buildings, the fourth floor is sometimes labeled “F” (Four) instead of “4″ in elevators.  This originates from Chinese, where the pronunciation of the word for “four” (四, sì in Mandarin) is very similar to that of the word for “death” (死, sǐ in Mandarin), and remains such in the other countries’ Sino-Xenic vocabulary.

Phobias are not limited to numbers, there is a plethora of other phobias in existence, such as:  Arachibutyrophobia (fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth); Macrophobia (fear of long waits); Mageirocophobia (fear of cooking); Novercaphobia (Fear of your step-mother); Nudophobia (fear of nudity); Phobophobia (fear of phobias…LOL!); Logizomechanophobia (fear of computers); Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia (fear of long words).

Fear of Clowns?

To further underscore my point, I compiled a list of phobias in existence that are not conducive to Christian church-goers such as: Potamophobia-Fear of rivers or running water; Pyrophobia- Fear of fire; Sesquipedalophobia- Fear of long words; Sitophobia or Sitiophobia- Fear of food or eating; Staurophobia- Fear of crosses or the crucifix; Theologicophobia- Fear of theology; Theophobia- Fear of gods or religion; Ouranophobia- Fear of heaven; Agoraphobia- Fear of open spaces or of being in crowded, Apeirophobia- Fear of infinity; Aphenphosmphobia- Fear of being touched; Ecclesiophobia- Fear of church; Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia- Fear of the number 666; Hierophobia- Fear of priests or sacred things; Homilophobia- Fear of sermons. Panophobia or Pantophobia- Fear of everything.

Fear of Church!

Chances are, you don’t have any of these phobias and you feel that one little fear won’t ruin your life, but when you combine them together, some can be fairly deterimental to a personal growth.  Here is the equation for living a life that is lukewarm and stagnant:

Atychiphobia (fear of failure) +Athazagoraphobia (fear of letting go) + Neophobia (fear of anything new) = No Breakthrough

Notice the common word in that equation.  It is fear.  For us to be overcomers and persons of breakthough, we must boldy learn to overcome our fears.  Learning to challenge unhelpful thoughts is an important step in overcoming your phobias and even small fears.  When you have a fear, you tend to overestimate how bad it will be if you’re exposed to the situation you fear. At the same time, you underestimate your ability to cope.  The anxious thoughts that trigger and fuel phobias are usually negative and unrealistic. It can help to put these thoughts to the test. Many times, these thoughts fall into the following categories:

• Fortune telling. For example, “This bridge is going to collapse;” or  “I’ll make a fool of myself for sure;” or “I will definitely lose it when the elevator doors close.”
• Overgeneralization. “I fainted once while getting a shot. I’ll never be able to get a shot again without passing out;” or “That pit bull lunged at me. All dogs are dangerous.”
• Catastrophizing. “The captain said we’re going through turbulence. The plane is going to crash!” “The person next to me coughed. Maybe it’s the swine flu. I’m going to get very sick!”

Having negative thoughts is not good for the soul, but what is even worse is that negative thoughts based on fears paralyzes us.  Thus, preventing us to forward and to discover all that life has in store for us.  But, that is not you…not anymore because this is the year of “crossing over”.  It is the year of breaking new ground in every area of our lives.  Now the question is how?

If we take cues from Israelites in the Biblical account, we learn that to move forward, they had to let go of the past. But, here is the paradox, they had to remember the past, in order for them to let go. They had to see God’s redemptive hand in their past sufferings, in order for them to see God in their futures. For example, after the Israelites crossed the Jordan River, Joshua, their leader, set up 12 memorial stones in the Jordan River as a memorial. These stones served double duty. First, they were set up for future generations to remember God’s goodness by allowing them to not only cross over the Jordan, but cross over on dry ground (no muddy Jimmy Choos)! Secondly, notice that the stones were piled up in the Jordan, not around it. My interpretation for this is that when times of drought would come in the future and the waters would recede and dry, the Israelites would remember Gods provision (manna) in the dry times, so they would still have hope…even in seasons of suffering.

This inspired me to actually do an activity of self-discovery similar to the biblical account.  The goal is to recall some personal memories (it could either be suffering, joyful, or seemingly neutral), and then to ask God to redeem them by revealing to me a lesson that He was trying to teaching me, a lesson I had to learn, or just to show me that He is with me.  Thereby, remembering and redeeming my past, I could let go and move forward and live in the future.  After I remembered these events, times, and places, I would go and set up memorial stones in each place.

Let me share with you some events and places I revisited.  My desire is to inspire you to face your past, so you can move forward as well.  Here are some lessons I learned this week from my past:

1. Lessons in Grace

The Alley near my High School

This is an alley behind my school where I used to take smoke breaks, roll joints, and hang out when I skipped class.  Long story short, one year I got caught with some weed and for skipping class and the principal was going to suspend me.  He wrote a letter and told me to take home to my guardians (I was living with my uncle because my parents were in Asia).  However, I was in a pickle because my uncle was about to kick me out and I was afraid that this letter might be the last straw.  So, I bit the bullet and went into my principal’s office and cried out for mercy.  I told him the situation and promised that I would not skip class anymore if he didn’t suspend me again and send me home with a letter.  I’ve gotten into a lot trouble before and suspension was no stranger to me, so I didn’t expect this to work.  Amazingly, he relented and gave me another chance.  He did not give me what I deserved…that’s mercy!  Then he said he would not even put the letter in the records so he wiped the slate clean.  I didn’t even ask for that…that’s grace!  This was the first time I was aware of what grace and mercy actually felt like.  That was first time I actually caught a glimpse of what God was like.  Because of that incident, I never skipped class again and got decent enough grades to get into university.  I also learned how God works in situations where we screw up.  You see, God hates our sin, yet he is so quick to show grace and mercy when we are willing to turn and change.  He relents to our repentance, yet his love is unrelenting and gracious.

By the way, thank you, Mr. Bob White, for that act of grace.  I have never and will never forget it.

Here is my memory rock for my school alley:

Drugs are Bad!

Just kidding.  Here is my real stone I placed in the alley:

Grace

2. Lessons in Empowerment

A parking lot near Richmond Center

This is the place where I was sexually assaulted by a person I knew when I was 21. I have undergone counselling for this, I have forgiven him and I have done all sorts of inner healing for this, so I thought I was good to go. However, secretly in my head, I believed, the whole incident was my fault. I felt that if I didn’t go out so late, or if I didn’t wear a short skirt, or whatever, then maybe this whole thing wouldn’t have happened. I don’t beat myself up about it, but secretly that is what I believe and I just try to not think about it.  However, God reminded me of this incident and he showed me how even in this horrible traumatic situation he was still there with me.

How did I figure this one out? I had a conversation with my pastor this past Tuesday and in that conversation (unrelated) he talked about empowering me to speak my mind.  This was weird to me because I think I am pretty opinionated already and probably should shut up more.  However, he explained that in things that really important or when I encounter persons of authority, I sometimes feel I cannot say no. Like if I say no, it makes me feel bad. The reason why I feel this way is because I never really got a choice when i was younger.  While growing up, I moved from country to country, getting dragged all over the place, and not ever being able to have a choice or opinion.  If I every expressed my opinion I would get yelled at or told to shut up.  This has caused me to develop relatively unhealthy boundaries; while at the same time, I developed a high pain tolerance for unnecessary suffering and occasional feelings of helplessness (physical and emotional).

The conversation I had with my pastor showed me that, since the incident God has empowered me and I am powerful.  Also, God showed me in that incident, God was not trying to teach me a lesson about modesty.  God was not punishing me.  However, we do live in a sinful world with sinful people.  That guy committed a crime and it was NOT my fault. NO matter what I was wearing or however many drinks I drunk.  NO ONE EVER has the right to violate me or to take advantage me. This revelation on Tuesday broke off the remaining shame and regret I had in this instance and also, it has really empowered me to speak up for myself (not out of brokenness and being rude, but in a respectful way), and the courage to say NO!

Here is my stone for my lessons in empowerment:

i can say no

3. Lessons in Emmanuel

Silver City Riverport

Silvercity Riverport

There was a time in my life where I felt quite suicidal and very depressed (I was around 19 years old). My family was in Asia and I was in Canada all by myself. Yes, I had friends, but those friends were the fair-weathered type and were friendly only when there was good time to be had. So, one night I found myself bored and sad driving around Richmond. I had an idea to watch a late show movie, that is how I ended up at Silvercity. When I got there, the theatre and the parking lot was empty.

I was very puzzled because it was only 10:30pm, but for some reason the theatre was closed. As I walked back to my car, another car pulled up beside me.  The young guy in the car rolled down his windows and started to talk to me. The conversation went sort of like this:

Guy: Hey, how’s it goin?

Me: Fine. (not really, I wanted to die!)

Guy: Can I talk to you about something?

Me: Sure…but make it quick, it’s cold.

Guy: Well, I just want to say one thing to you, you should turn back to God. He is looking for you. Okay, bye!

Me: Whaaa?

As I am processing these words, he drives away and I get back into my car. As I look in the rear view mirror to see his car drive off, there is no car there! As you know, the Silvercity parking lot is huge and you definately can see a car drive away into the distance. No car, no guy, nada! I am fully convince this was an encounter with an angel.

This memory just serves as another reminder that even in my darkest and most lonliest times, God is always searching for me, he is always with me, and he is always breaking through the heavens to reach out to us on earth.

Here is the stone I placed in the Silvercity Riverport parking lot:

emmanuel

4. Lessons of Fearlessness

Starbucks in Vancouver

My 7 year relationship:  RIP @ Starbucks

To be honest, this relationship has been my biggest regret. I felt like it was a complete waste of time and I, sometimes, think to myself, “this guy stole my youth!” A large part of the regret comes from the belief that I rebelled against my parents to be with him. My ex was a black guy (definite no no for Chinese parents), not a Canadian Citizen (another red flag), and didn’t have a job! You may wonder, what did I see in him? When I first met him, I was a really new Christian and he was a very passionate Christian who was on fire for God. I have never met anyone like him and his love for God made me fall in love with him (but being passionate about God is not enough if you don’t deal with your issues!). So going against my parents and any wise advice, I dated him. Fast forward seven years and many wasted tears and heated fights later, we broke up. It ended horribly. The whole seven years was so emotionally draining and mentally taxing that I have, since then, become quite afraid of getting into another relationship. On top of that, we are no longer friends and we don’t speak at all. From the time we broke up until now, although I have forgiven him (numerous times and undergone inner healing), I have nothing good to say about the relationship.

However, as I was doing the memory stone activity, I was talking to my brother and we got on the topic of my ex-boyfriend somehow. In talking to my brother, he remarked that he really admired that I just fearlessly went for it. And as we began to unpack that, God spoke to me and showed me that I had been courageous throughout the relationship–I was couragous to get into it, courageous to stick through it for seven years, and courageous to be able stand up after it.

This revelation caused tears to well up in my eyes and I felt God telling me that I should not lose my fearlessness. Obviously, I could have used more wisdom and probably be more cautious (I will in the future).  Nevertheless, I should not let one bad experience shape my paradigm for future relationships. At that moment, I forgave my ex-boyfriend (again!) and I forgave myself for what I thought was a bad decision. I saw how God used that situation to shape me into what I am today. I am now, amazingly, grateful for that relationship because I was able to see God’s hand in my life!

Here is the rock to commemorate that event:

Overall, these memory stones that I have set up all around the city has allowed me to forgive and let go.  Participating in this activity and actually revisiting these place (physically and emotionally), has really shown me the goodness of God, admist difficulties and failures. I have learned there is no failure in the Kingdom. You only fail when you stop getting up. I can see that we have choices in how we want to view things that have happened in our past.  They can be either obstacles and opposition; or they can be seen as opportunities to learn and grow.

The difficult times are not over, but God is still good and He is still working.  May I view every opposition as an opportunity. May I never give up. May I never lay down and stop. May I never be vanquished but always arise as a victor! May I always remember His faithfulness. May I always be filled with fire and passion to get up! May I be a Catalyst for my culture and for the next generation!

v

This year is the year that God is going to bring his people (the Church) through the river. What are some steps you need to take to “cross over”?

I encourage you to try to do the memory stone activity.  What’s the point in going to church and listening to Pastor Steve’s sermons, if you don’t put them into a little practice !  If you do decide to participate in the activity, can you guys share with me some of your memory stone stories and take a picture of you redeeming a place in your past? Please send me your photo along with your story (only one per person please) to Ruby@VancityDream. If you want to remain anonymous, that’s cool too. Just let me know and i’ll leave your name out. Thanks.

I’ve Got Catalyst on my Mind and so should you…

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