As you may know, I am doing something called Project DOPE (doing our part everyday…you can check it out at http://www.projectdope.org). Most of the time when I do the activities, its pretty good and I feel pretty good afterwards as well. However, as I do more and more of the activities, there is something I hate about doing Project DOPE…I discovered, I actually have to be nice and kind all the time or I can’t really do it.
Let me give you an example, last week I was at Costco around 5pm on a Saturday. If you have ever been to Costco at 5pm, you know the chaos and trauma of the crowds at that hour. Even worse, is that, apparently, the RICHMOND Costco is the worst (in terms of crowds, parking, etc.) in North America. Don’t believe me, check out these yelp.com reviews: http://www.yelp.ca/biz/costco-wholesale-richmond-3.
For me, I have really low tolerance for big crowds, slow moving behaviour, inefficiency, and just general madness. So, you can see that going at this hour (and on a Saturday, no less!) is not setting myself up for success. Nevertheless, I needed to buy some almonds and chicken breasts!
So, it starts with some lady stealing my parking spot. I patiently waited for the spot for about 10 min and then all of sudden someone drives into my spot. I get out of my car, exchange some “firm” words with the lady. Thankfully, another spot opens up right next to her and I don’t say anymore and take the spot next to her. But not without giving her a dirty look and a crazy eye roll.
While in Costco, it seems that everyone and their mom wants chicken breasts. It is on sale. It’s like it is war time and we are vampire chicken refugees that need chicken breasts in order to survive. I see the last family pack and I pounce on it–beating two other Soccer Moms to the punch! Yay!
I push my buggy around like a mad woman, weaving in and out, avoiding kids and scaring old people. Kids and old people shouldn’t be allowed at Costco, just sayin’.
I tailgate the guy in front of me. Who walks that slowly?!?…geez.
I stop for some food samples. I grab two and then go back for two more. Then another two. I love cheese. I love free cheese even more.
I make my way to the check-out counter. I stand in line. A lady is behind me and taps me on the shoulder. She asks, since she only has one item, can she go in front of me. I am offended. Look how busy Costco is and I hate waiting in line. I lie and say I am in a super rush and I can’t let her go in front of me. I stand firmly in line with her eyes burning a hole in the back of my head.
I reach in my bag for my Costco card and see some Project DOPE fortune cookies. I want to give it to the cashier at Costco. Then I realize that the lady that stole my parking spot is in the next line. I look up and see that the two soccer moms, whom I beat out on the chicken breasts, is nearby. I see the kids I almost smoked with my buggy and the guy that I tailgated. Not to mention, I still have that lady behind me that I didn’t allow to go in front of me. I gingerly put the fortune cookie back in my bag. How can I give it to someone with all these annoying people looking at me and showing me that I am not kind?
I see myself. My ugly unkind self. That sucks…suddenly, project DOPE has become a mirror. A mirror into my behaviour. A mirror into my poverty spirit and lack of generosity under stressful conditions (trust me, Costco stresses me out!). Under normal circumstances I am not rude, but when squeezed, poverty puss just oozes out. The sense of entitlement is gross in me. I quickly repent and humble myself before God. Is my life like a fish market where I barter for things…tit for tat? I am in a pie system or a field system? I am reminded last Sunday that we are not entitled but God entrusts us. Can He trust me to entrust me? Yes and not yet.
Hopefully none of these people will walk into church and see me on stage. God has grace for me and He is not thru with me yet. I love project DOPE and I hate Project Dope. It forces me to watch my behaviour, all the time. It pushes me to change for the better. It makes me the project. It requires me to live in grace and generosity. It eradicates the poverty spirit. It makes way for generosity.
I hate it. I love it. You should try it. Projectdope.org.