Ready, Set, Marry!

I have discovered that much of dating in your 30’s involves playing Jedi Mind Tricks with yourself.  It seems that I have to use force exertion to battle the dark voices in my head–do I push forward with hope or concede to a life of celibacy.  The sad thing is that I actually enjoy being single.  But more and more, this enjoyment of being single might be a front to cover my fear of intimacy and commitment.  Anyhoo, I just noticed that there seems to be a lot of inner chatter and maneuvering in order to keep my mind in the game.

However, in the last six months, God has been really shifting my paradigm about dating and marriage.  So, currently, I am more open and ready to get married than I have ever been.  Rather than idley wait, I am doing certain things to prepare as a “prophetic” action of faith and hope.  There is the saying, fortune favours the bold, at the same time, I believe, “favour favours the prepared.”  

Here are some things I am personally doing to prepare myself for my upcoming marriage this year….haha 😀

1.  Getting emotionally and spiritually healthier.  I remember in my last relationship, the one thing that plague me was feeling insecure all the time and my ex defined who I am.  That wasn’t because of him, but it was something going on in my head and my heart.  We can’t hide our brokenness.  Overtime, those things leak out and can totally poison or stink up a relationship.  So, in the last two years, I have really been working on my identity, getting past hurts healed, and walking out truth about who I am and how God sees me.  The more I love myself and the more I see myself through God eyes, the more I can love my husband and see him with vision eyes.

2.  Not making any negative confessions about marriage and getting married.  I personally have never been a big fan of marriage.  However, I realize that the more I say that, the more I come to believe it and am using my words to slowly build the coffin of my, what-once-was, possible marriage.  I stopped doing this.

That list is by no means comprehensive, but merely a snapshot of some personal things I am working on.  Since I am actively working on myself, I also expect my future husband to also be preparing.  Here are some suggestions for men, who are single, to prepare for your upcoming marriage (not necessarily with me):

1. Get a job.  Not just any job, but a job that has a chance of turning into a career.  Working at Starbucks is okay if you have plans to be manager or moving up, but if you only have barista in mind, chance are your family can’t live on your free pound of coffee every week and the 8 bucks an hour you make, no matter how hipster you are.

2.  Take a shower.  Cut your hair, or at least wash it.  Cut your nails, don’t leave one pinky long (geez).  Personal hygiene is important.  Unless you live in the mission field, are in the middle of a camping trip, or don’t have running water (if you don’t, refer to number 1), then you have no excuse for poor personal hygiene.

Ughhh….

3.  Speaking of clean, clean your room.  When you get married, your wife is not your maid.  If you don’t enjoy cleaning your room, at least get a job that makes enough money to hire someone to do it (it can’t be your wife).  Clean your bathroom.  At the very minimum, when going to the bathroom, learn to aim properly.  This is basic target practice.  A man who cannot aim properly, shouldn’t be shooting the phrase, “will you marry me.”

4.  Work on your spiritual and emotional health.  If your girlfriend or pastor cares more about your spiritual life than you, that is a problem.  You are in charge of you.  Your spiritual life is yours.  Take ownership of it.  Do what it takes to get spiritually and emotionally healthy.  Get inner healing, get counselling, whatever, just do something productive about it, rather than whine and complain how your life sucks.

5.  Exercise and eat healthy.  If you can’t take of your body, how can you take care of a wife?  You don’t have to be ripped or have a six pack.  Even a one-pack is okay if you at least move a bit and are somewhat aware of what you eat.  No one is expecting you to have a model body, but you can always be a better version of yourself.

6.  Get some hobbies, that don’t involve the computer or anything that starts with Nintendo, Sega, or Xbox, etc.  If your greatest achievement of the day is building an epic structure on Minecraft or spending 8 hours continuous playing CS, you are not ready to get married.  Seriously.

minecraft-funny-pictures-romance-358465

There are more, but those are some to get you started.  Those points are also applicable to women (minus the aiming part).  You can either take or leave my list of suggestion, but don’t ignore the fact that you need to do certain things to prepare for marriage.  No is expecting perfection, but at least point your actions in the trajectory that you want to go.  Favour favours the prepared.  See you at my wedding, this year.

3 responses to “Ready, Set, Marry!

  1. It’s very cool and slightly refreshing to read this from you! I’m 27 and also kind of worried about the whole getting married thing. After all, dating is a pretty terrible game, and I’d much rather be doing meaningful things instead of walking around the mall feeling awkward, or painstakingly trying to make meaningless conversation.

    This is advice my ridiculous mom gave me, but when she asked me about where I was in my dating, and I told her that I was involuntarily bachelor to the rapture. (JK). Because no girls fit my checklist. I told her I was in church so hopefully I’ll find someone with goals like mine, in a similar place as me.

    And then she exploded my world. She said in Chinese, “Going to church to find a girl, is no different than having the same checklist, except with one extra item, what you should be doing is asking God for the one that he has set apart for you, ask him to show you her face and seek HIS will in all things, including this.”

    And come to think of it, shes right. I’ve been “afraid” or hesitant to date because I fear falling into a relationship with similar pain points as my previous relationships; and because of that, I have this tight filter and criteria on; always seeking, secretly critiquing every girl that I could ever or never have a chance with. When all along, what I should have been seeking his will and the perfect one he has for me.

    And yes, hitting the gym and clipping the toe nails will probably help. 🙂 Thanks for this encouraging and practical excerpt from the brain of Pastor Lim! 🙂

  2. Great stuff Emily , I would add on to this . It is important to see if the individual also has a strong foundation in thier faith which includes a passion to reach the lost (family,friends, co workers and strangers) . Another would be the ability to turn of the cell phone/ipad/ old Skool desktop off and have a lengthy conversation . Too many are so plugged in with their short attention spans and will quickly grab the phone during the middle of a call . Also the ability to stay focused on what the other person is saying , are we good listeners . Also simple dating tips for guys , open the car or restaurant door for the girls and always pay for the meals , going “Dutch” is so unmanly and cheap .

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